well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
