By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
