ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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