Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
