I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
