I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
