he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
