Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He did a backflip because drugs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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