At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
is that a dick in a sweater?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
