i already hear my dad disowning me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
