I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
