Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
