Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
