Define "chronic" masturbator.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
