I wanna bring you to show and tell
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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