these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize