I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
