well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
