So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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