It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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