I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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