My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize