I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
