I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
