i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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