The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
