My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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