I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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