I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
pray to the hookup gods
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
