my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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