I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
