Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
