why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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