would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
worst night to have a conscience
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
