Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
