I heard we made out
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
