i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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