i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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