if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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