I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
