Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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