I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
