My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
