My room smells like vodka and shame
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
