so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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