The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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