i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
