And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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