you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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