I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think my fart just growled at me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
