I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
