can we get nightvision for the apartment?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
