Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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