Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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