The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Your dad touched me again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
