I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
