Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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