why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
