batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
