ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize