Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
