i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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