I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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