I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Less talking, more tequila
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
