I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
