I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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