we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
