standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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