We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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