Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
