shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
