yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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