He felt like a one man threesome
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
