He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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