I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
