I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
