If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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