my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
