i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
