3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's Friday. Sex?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
me + whiskey = a bad person
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
