Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
