That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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