If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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