So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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