I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
