hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
