I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize