There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
