And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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