is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
