Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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