i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
