u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
