And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
