I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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