WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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