I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize