you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
